Father's Day is this Sunday . . . it brings with it many different emotions for each of us. Some have a wonderful and loving relationship with their father, yet for others it brings with it the remembrance of pain and regret because of the brokenness of the relationship.
For me, Father's Day is bitter-sweet. Bitter because of the struggle in my relationship with my dad. I'm reminded of alcoholism, abandonment, divorce . . . fatherlessness. My dad and I have come a long way in our relationship, but even at the age of 40 there is still pain that surfaces around this time every year.
Sweet because I refuse to leave the same legacy handed to me by my father. I dearly love my wife and children . . . willing to give my life for them if need be. Although far from perfect, I strive to be the best husband and father I can be.
I wanted to share some thoughts on being the man that God has called me to be.
My mind is draw to a passage of scripture in which King David, as his life is drawing to its end, is challenging his son, Solomon. Here's what it says . . .
"As David's time to die drew near, he charged Solomon his son, saying, 'I am going the way of all the earth. Be strong, therefore, and show yourself a man.'" [I Kings 2:1-2]
". . . show yourself a man." That resonates with me.
In The Message paraphrase of the Bible, it words it this way: ". . . be strong; show what you're made of." Another translation [the New Living Translation] says it like this: ". . . take courage; be a man."
Isn't that the desire of every young boy?
. . . that, one day, they would indeed "be a man"?
In fact, isn't that the desire of every man?
. . . that, when the chips are down; when we are truly put to the test --
we will show ourselves to be a man?
I suppose the key question would be . . . what does it mean to truly "be a man"?
For young boys the test of manhood comes in many ways, but is almost entirely physical:
- Who can run the fastest
- Who can jump the highest
- Who can spit the furthest
- Who can eat the most dirt
- Who can burp the loudest
Unfortunately, many a man never gets past his level of maturity . . . We men are strange creatures. Get a group of us together and you may hear all sorts of odd noises exuding from the group - as if it were some strange type of guttural form of communication. It's like a bad episode of "Tool Time" (showing my age again . . . I know).
My hope is that we can gain a more accurate, biblical perspective of what true manhood is all about; that you and I as a father, a husband, a brother, a son . . . would show ourselves a man in the eyes of God.
BE A MAN IN YOUR FAMILY
There are several ways that we are called to be godly men in our families. Here are three important ways that come to mind: Lead, Love, Nurture
Lead Your Family . . .
There is a God ordained delineation of roles and responsibilities within a godly household. I Corinthians 11 demonstrates this . . . "But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ . . . . for man does not originate from woman, but woman from man; for indeed man was not created for the woman's sake, but woman for the man's sake . . ." [I Corinthians 11:3 & 8-9].
Please fight the urge to proclaim these verses as bigoted or sexist . . . that's not the intent at all.
The Apostle Paul continues . . . "However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as the woman originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and all things originate from God" [I Corinthians 11:11-12].
Something we must remember as husbands is the way in which we are called to lead our families: True leadership is Christ-like leadership.
Check out what Paul writes in Ephesians 5 . . . "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her . . . so husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies . . . for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church" [Ephesians 5:25-29].
As we lead, we do so out of a desire to nourish and cherish our wives . . . it is all born out of Christ-like LOVE. Which leads me to the next way in which God calls us to be a man in our families . . .
Love your wife . . .
There are several places in which we are called/commanded by God to love our wife [Colossians 3:19; Ephesians 5:25, 28, 33]. As I looked as these passages, I noticed that in every instance in which husbands are instructed to "love" their wives, the writer uses the Greek word "ἀγάπη." It's a word that refers to unconditional love; a love that is given regardless of the response. It's the type of love God demonstrated, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. It's the type of love Christ showed on the cross when he cried out, "Father! Forgiven them! For they know not what they do!" [Luke 23:34]. What I also find interesting is that when in the Bible wives are told to love their husbands, a different Greek word is used: "φιλία" . . . which denotes a love that is given in response to something received. One is not better than the other, just a different emphasis.
I see this as having significance for husbands. God has placed the responsibility squarely upon our shoulders. In our role as leader, it is our responsibility to properly and appropriately express our love to our wife - unconditionally, regardless of the response. God calls us to love our wife even as Christ loved us and gave himself for us! Big shoes to fill, I know, but that's what we're called to and by God's strength and His grace we can be strong and show ourself a man when it comes to loving our wife as God desires.
Nurture your children . . .
Being a man in my family means that I take an active role in the up bringing of my children. Scripture calls me to nurture my children in the ways of the Lord [Ephesians 6:4]. There are two distinct ways in which to do this: discipline and instruction. As I discipline my children, I am to do so with consistency - otherwise I run the risk of exasperating and frustrating them [Colossians 3:21]. Being consistent also means that I need to start NOW . . . right away . . . don't wait. Scripture admonishes me to ". . . bring them up in the discipline . . . of the Lord."
It's a process that begins early in their life. Proverbs 22:15 says this: "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him."
This scripture isn't telling me to beat my children with a stick. What it's telling us is that the time to deal with teenage rebellion is when your child is 2, 3, 4, 5 years of age by instilling within them godly discipline. It's not just punishment for wrong doing - although children must learn that there are consequences to their choices - but it's developing within our children the character of Christ.
Which brings me to the second way in which we nurture our children: instruction. We ". . .. bring them up in the . . . instruction of the Lord."
Fathers, as leaders of our household, we have been granted the godly responsibility and obligation of teaching our children the ways of the Lord; of pouring into their lives the truth of God's word, instilling within them a reverence for the Lord; of teaching them daily to walk in the ways of the Lord. We are to teach them diligently to our children . . . as we sit at home, as we walk along the way - when we lie down and when we rise [see Deuteronomy 6:4-9].
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So as Father's Day rolls around, take the time to consider what it means to be the man that God has called you to be.
"Be strong, therefore, and show yourself a man" in your family as you lead them, love them, and nurture them.
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